Autism dating website true confessions of an online dating addict
I didn’t rock in anxiety, I didn’t speak in a monotone, I laughed and danced and engaged with people, showing interest in their work and passions.Here the common misconceptions about autism were both my ally and my enemy: they allowed me to hide, and to embrace a status as “off-key yet normal,” but they also damaged me by giving fuel to the lie that I was just a bit odd, making it all the more difficult when it blew up in my face with someone yelling: “What the hell is wrong with you?
So instead I fell back on words — the safety of which I could understand, as their clarity left nothing to puzzle over or decipher.Sometimes I feared the mask would slip, that I would be discovered, but I seldom was — although sometimes in conversation, someone would develop a puzzled look on their face.My boyfriend called me “adorably awkward,” but in earlier years at school, my awkwardness had never been adorable.It was easier for people my age, particularly men, to see my weirdness as a trope, as opposed to a complex neurological condition. My current boyfriend understands that I can’t read body language all the time; that if he is annoyed he must state it verbally and calmly; and that clattering resentfully around a messy kitchen, say, will not pass on the message that it is my turn to clean, but simply asking me for help will.Also, he must tolerate my asking if he is angry when he is not.
“You’re a pretty girl,” she told me, “and that may mean you have a different experience.” This fits in with the difficulty girls face in being diagnosed with autism initially, and is perhaps a continuation of this denial — of the view of autism as something somehow male.